*Note before you begin reading: I want to convince you to start looking within and cultivating your spirituality. But there’s a huge likelihood that I can’t. I can share my story with you all day long, but ultimately, until you’re ready, you won’t be convinced. Hell, no one could convince me until I was ready. If I did manage to read a whole article about this mumbo jumbo, I’d have to shake my head to stop my eyes from rolling around so much. That’s fine though. Do what you need to do. Read this with a whole lot of skepticism. I don’t mind.
I was raised Catholic. I loved the churches, the stained glass windows, the gardens and willow trees, the ornate golden crosses, the milky statues, the smell of incense, the organ. It was all very grand. Very Vatican.
But I never could see the beauty beyond the aesthetic. The scripture, the old man droning at the alter about sin and repentance, the prayers didn’t reach me. I would repeat the Our Father, I would sing along with the others, becoming one voice raised towards the heavens. But I felt uncomfortable, could God hear my hesitance? Could he hear how bored we all sounded? Was there even a Big Man in the Sky?
For awhile I said no. I pushed my spiritual side to a dark and dusty corner until it became skeletal and ravenous. And the other aspects of myself suffered. It ate my creativity. It feasted off my relationships. It drank in my passions. Nothing was replenished and I found my whole soul eventually starving.
“You cannot ignore me forever,” My spirituality would say, while all the happiness and meaning in my life, slipped away, yet again. “If you refuse to acknowledge me, we’re all goin’ down.”
It was in college, when my Loneliness and Lack of Direction reached their peak, that I found God. I was a skinny and scared girl before that experience. And I’ll tell you, it magnified when I came face to face with my spirituality. Literally. I was looking in the mirror when it happened. My empty eyes mourned back at me and suddenly I was filled with something unspeakable. A power that filled my whole body. Filled the whole room. Filled my next couple of weeks with an uncomfortable sensation that I was never alone. It was terrifying, actually. I thought I was going crazy. When you grow up not believing, and building your world view around the absence of a God…and then bam! Hello! Here’s that thing you didn’t believe in.
I was shook up…but still not entirely convinced. I wasn’t willing to see how important my spirituality was. I have always wanted Truth. I am a seeker of Reality. Big questions are my bread and butter. But I had no direction, no inner voice to keep me from getting lost in the questioning.I got lost, I got frustrated, and I tried again. But everything is so much harder when we’re alone. The more I tried to find my way, the more lost I got. I needed to look up and see the sun to orient myself. We can’t find Meaning if we’re ignoring our internal compass.
It wasn’t until I accepted the importance of spirituality as a guide that things started coming together for me.
I have been meditating every night. I have been praying twice a day, at least. I have started seeing auras. I’ve talked to a few spirit guides. I have been overcome, a few times, with a red energy that comes from the bottom of my spine and explodes throughout my entire being. I have sat quietly among the cosmos and questioned the surrounding stillness. (And this might sound crazy to you, but just go with it…)
I feel calm and wise. I feel clear and quiet. I feel love and compassion to the point that I want to cry. And (here’s the kicker) I feel all those other aspects of my life growing too. My intellect is advancing, my creativity blooming. I’m no longer floating through life apathetic and lost. I am connected to the Earth. I’m connected to others. And I’m exactly where I need to be. I’m not lost anymore. I wake up each day and don’t even have to ask the question, “What am I going to do today?”
So I have finally begun my spiritual journey. And the beautiful thing about it is I don’t actually have to go anywhere. I simply sit, ground myself in the present and let the world move through me.
I find this concept important. In our modern world we have this idea that sitting still is being idle. That to get what we want we have to be busy busy, making plans, schedules, meetings. Running from one place to another. (The faster you walk the more important your business is).
I encourage you, no matter what you believe, to try and sit quietly from time to time. To stop the incessant chatter. To fill your body with stillness. That’s a very good starting point for anybody. And if you don’t find that BOOM spiritual experience, you’ll still find a little peace of heaven, peace of mind, to help you get through the day.
Are you on a journey yourself? (Well of course you are, you’re human) What religion speaks to you? (Hey, if you’re still unsure or don’t know where to begin, try this quiz.)
Share in the comments.